I remember my first job after college. I had an admin position in a small office. I was motivated, inexperienced, impressionable,
and excited to be working at my first full-time job. Each
morning, which was life before mobile phones, the owner would
walk past me, as I sat at my desk outside his office, without
saying any word or making eye contact. I remember it was odd,
but I shrugged it off initially. As the routine grew, it got old fast.
I tried (with little success) to engage with him, but I began to
resent him and the tension between us grew. After a few
months, the newness and excitement with the job was quickly
wearing away.

When reflecting on relationships, I think about the intentionality one brings and just how much it impacts the other person, the overall relationship, and how the other responds and invests in the relationship. I think healthy relationships have patterns and keys that include how we move towards and convey meaning to one another - how I want to make this person feel - how to be part of something together.

Also, I think of the relationships that I’ve taken for granted, put little effort in, got more than I gave, only offering leftovers. Leftovers being the remainder of time unused, not making much effort, leaning on the convenience and predictability, and losing the freshness and desirability over a short period of time. Relationships lose life quickly when one is treated as a leftover.

I used the example of my former boss, because he didn’t feel the need to invest in the relationship, until he needed me for something. As a result, I did the same with him for a while and things were miserable for us and the colleagues around us. Fortunately, things shifted for the better, but it took time and effort to better understand each other and reach a greater level of acceptance.

I love the Toni Morrison quote, “When a child walks in the room, your child or anybody else’s child, do your eyes light up? That’s what they’re looking for.”

In the end, I’m not sure adults are looking for much more, especially from their close and intimate relationships.

Special thanks to Fei Taishi for sharing his “leftover pizza” photo for my blog entry. His website is: FeiTaishi.com